The Connoisseur's Top 10 DS Games of all Time: 10-9

10. Final Fantasy III

Awe-inspiring 3D visuals.

FFIII narrowly beats out its famed brother IV for a spot in my top 10. The main reason being that I was already so familiar with IV (previously known as II on the SNES), whereas III was a fresh experience for me. And it was certainly a good experience as well. FFIII is the kind of hardcore game that I like, forcing you to keep up with your levels and job types unless you wanted to get pulverized. A decent story and awesome boss battles made this a surprisingly good game for me, and even though it was difficult, the challenge felt highly rewarding by the end.

9. Pokémon Diamond/Peal/Platinum

POKERMAN!

Unfortunately, it's very possible that this will be the last Pokémon game to appear on one of my lists. The formula is getting jaded, but at this point in time, I still loved these adventures. And the fourth generation of this franchise, while not as awe-inspiring as previous iterations to me, delivered everything I could've hoped for. Dozens upon dozens of hours of gameplay, many new Pokémon to catch, and entertaining Gym Leader battles. On top of that, some online gameplay was added, meaning even more replay value. And of course, hours of chasing those legendaries.

The Connoisseur's Top 10 Nintendo DS Games of All Time

 After close to two dozen posts in which I bash games, I think it's about time for me to give some love.  Because despite how much I hate the direction gaming has gone in recent years, with developers aiming to please the teeming masses with easier, watered-down games instead of actually trying to create genuine masterpieces, I still fully realize that there are many superb developers who have released games that cater to the hardcore such as myself.  Therefore, I will soon begin listing my top 10 Nintendo DS games of all time.  Nintendo was the first company to bring us into the handheld "next generation" with the Nintendo 3DS, so now is a great time for me to look back and decide which games any handheld gamer shouldn't miss out on.  I will, soon after, follow with a top ten PSP list.

For now, I'm simply going to list the finalists and begin the actual list with my next post.  A few quick notes about my list (and all subsequent lists) first though.  I'm not going to add games that I haven't played.  It's impossible to judge such a game.  This goes for games that I hate on as well.  If it's on my blog, then I have had considerable time with it.  So my top ten lists only consist of games that I have actually played, and played enough so that I can accurately assess them.  If you don't see a game on my list that you think deserves to be there, then I've either: a. Not played it. -or- b. think it's overrated or not quite worthy of a spot on the list.  If you have suggestions for games that you think should be on here, then post them.  Ports will always be excluded.  I'll copy and paste this before every top 10 list.

All right, so here are the finalists.  There are still quite a few DS games that I want to play (Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia, Radiant Historia, Picross, Elite Beat Agents, etc), but for now, these will have to do.

Advance Wars: Dual Strike - Advance Wars is as good as TBS gets.  Dual Strike is loaded with content and a blast from beginning to end.

Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrow - Quite possibly the best Castlevania since Symphony of the Night. Excellent design and boss battles result in a wonderful follow-up to the GBA's Aria of Sorrow.

Final Fantasy III - A new Final Fantasy for American gamers (and a from-the-ground-up remake), and a pretty good one at that.  A great class system combines with a fun soundtrack and excellent boss battles to make yet another stellar old-school Final Fantasy.  On top of that, it goes back to the olden days of hardcore gaming, with chains of boss battles and huge dungeons that you have to start over if you lose.  Be ready to have your patience tested.

Final Fantasy IV - Another remade Final Fantasy, though this one is more familiar to SNES owners.  Despite having been criticized on my blog in the past (with good reason), it's still a great game.  A tougher (but more balanced) difficulty helps solve one of my longtime problems.

The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks - While it's terrible for a Zelda game, it does a lot of good with the DS controls and is still one of the better DS games to be released, and definitely an improvement over Phantom Hourglass (though that might not save it from a spot on this blog later).  Its bosses are also significantly tougher than those in Phantom Hourglass (though not hard), another clear point in its favor.

Mario Kart DS - Mario Kart fans will have a hard time putting this one down, with great single-player, local multiplayer, and online multiplayer racing.  Lots of customization and thrilling online races meant this was the best Mario Kart to date at the time of its release.

Metroid Prime: Hunters - While the single-player is drawn-out and boring, the multiplayer, both local and online, is fantastic for a handheld game.  Nintendo misses more often than not when it comes to online, but this time they hit a bulls-eye.

New Super Mario Bros DS - No surprise here.  Another great, though relatively easier, Mario experience.

Okamiden - It takes a long time to pick up steam, but the ending quarter of the game is a poignant reminder of its lauded predecessor.

Pokemon Diamond/Pearl/Platinum - The Pokemon series needs freshening, but the first series of games to hit the DS are sitll very fun.

Pokemon HeartGold/HeartSilver - These remakes of arguably the greatest Pokemon games in the series took me back to the past on a nostalgic adventure.

Professor Layton and the Curious Village - This puzzle game is one of the generations best.  A wonderful interface and addicting puzzles will make it very difficult for you to put it down once you've began.

The World Ends With You - Unarguably one of the best JRPGs of this generation.  The combat is unique, fun, and takes quick reflexes.  The story is an interesting twist on Battle Royale and will have you on the edge of your seat from the beginning.  Even if you're not a handheld fan, this is a game that shouldn't be missed.

Crysis 2

You spelled "Crisis" wrong. Dumbass. 

Since I’ve already mentioned this game when it was selected as my most overrated game of 2011, I’ll cut straight to the chase.  One of the greatest things about the original Crysis was its drop-dead-gorgeous visuals.  There’s no way around it.  It’s an awesome game otherwise, but it wouldn’t have been the same without those stunning graphics.  So why the hell didn’t Crysis 2 look as good as its predecessor upon release??  C’mon, Crytek had to send out a DirectX 11 patch months after release because they were too worried about profits instead of giving us a completed game.  Granted, it looks wonderful now, but I’m too bored of the damned game for that to make a difference now.  And, screw it, the original still looks better.  And that’s pretty pathetic considering how relatively narrow the levels are in Crysis 2.

 The only thing more pathetic than the aliens are your friendly NPCs.

With that last point in mind, allow me to sum up the weakest aspect of this game.  That is, instead of continuing the trend of the original Crysis with large open-ended maps, Crytek decided to make yet another Call of Duty clone with hours of underwhelming corridor shooting.  Even when you’re fighting outside, the battlefield is noticeably smaller than in the original Crysis, and it rarely gives you more than one path to take.  The powers of your nanosuit have also been cut down to make it simple for console controllers (no surprise, PC games that are “consolized” are virtually always scaled back considerably in more ways than graphics).  There is no more “maximum strength” and “maximum speed” is now utilized through the sprint button.  Perks have been added, and if you choose to upgrade your suit with the best stealth options, even the hardest difficulty becomes a complete joke as you won’t have to fight 90% of the enemies, and most of the rest can be dispatched with a back-attack.  Shouldn’t a difficulty setting called “Supersoldier” be a… challenge?

I’m going to go ahead and wrap this up by saying: what the FUCK did they do to everything laid down by the first Crysis?  These aliens don’t resemble the ones from before in the slightest.  They look like aliens from any other Sci-Fi FPS, and aren’t nearly as intimidating as the ones that would fly around and wreak havoc from above.  And the story… what the hell happened?  I mean, yeah, the plot in the original was terrible anyway, but this one doesn’t even seem to be related.  A character from the original is back and… uh… yeah.  That’s it.  And don’t ask me what the story was actually about because I wasn’t even sure right after beating it on Supersoldier.  Oh, but the multiplayer is marginally better than it was in the original, so there’s the game’s positive aspect.

 

The aliens spread some kind of virus thing and you've gotta do something to stop all the I don't know.

But seriously, just stick with the original and don’t even bother with this crap (don’t even click on the links below).

6/10

 

Super Smash Bros Brawl

Super Smash Bros Melee + shit online

Have I gone after a Wii game before this?  I think this is the first one.  Either way, I don't really care.  Maybe I should do a few posts on "Why Your Favorite Consoles Suck" and throw the Wii out there first.  Add some variety to this blog.  Anyway, I've always been a fan of Smash Bros.  It's nowhere near being a traditional fighter, but it's still a load of fun with friends.  Unfortunately for Nintendo, we're now in the age of internet gaming, so good offline multiplayer no longer cuts it.  And while Super Smash Bros Brawl has one hell of an offline multiplayer and is packed with content, everything else falls short.  I'm also willing to say it's a must-buy for its soundtrack alone, but...

She was asking for it.

Let's get straight to the two big, fatal problems present in Brawl.  We all know the game's strength is in its local multiplayer anyway.  That's still good.  We also get a plethora of single player modes, similar to what we saw in Super Smash Bros Melee, including a relatively long single player campaign.  A lot of these modes will hold your attention for a while, but the campaign, titled Subspace Emissary (where the hell did they get that name from?) might elicit more groans than anything else.  If you don't rush through it, you're looking at 10-15 hours on Normal difficulty (if I remember correctly).  And it gets really annoying too, as the checkpoint system is all over the place at the end, and sometimes unforgiving.  But really, you just run and jump for long periods of time, flailing around like a retard to beat up a bunch of repetitive enemies, just to get to some random boss that you'll beat handily once you figure out its pattern.  It's so goddamn boring.  Hours and hours of my life went down the drain just to see a bunch of half-assed cut-scenes.  Ugh.

 Not so funny now, huh?

And now, the second fatal flaw.  The online multiplayer.  To call Super Smash Bros Brawl's online system "bare-bones" is a disservice to the online multiplayer of games like Dead Space 2.  It's not just bare-bones, it's almost nonexistent.  You can play up to three other people in Free-For-All match-ups, and that's all there is to it.  You choose your character, everything else is picked randomly from the four players' settings.  Fucking amazing, right?  Maybe it would be, but Nintendo's online infrastructure is so abysmal that they can't even handle a certain amount of people playing online at one time, so you have to play your match in SLOW-MOTION due to LAG!  They knew this game would sell millions, how in the FUCK were they not PREPARED?  On top of that, you can't even talk or message people online.  Get real, Nintendo.  You can send in pictures and videos of stuff you do, and Nintendo will weekly send out their choices of the "best," so then you can see the creations of soulless nerds who spends dozens of hours creating one 10-second video, just so that Nintendo sends out their hard work (anonymously lmao) for everyone else to appreciate.  

 It's just not your day, Ike.

There's a bit more though.  They send out player-made stages that you can have for a limited time, but if you want player-made stages permanently, you're going to have to download them elsewhere, because you can't get them in-game.  The stage builder is laughable anyway, so whatever.  Casino addicts, there's a mode for you to gamble on online matches. You can watch a random online match (only thing more fun than playing a lag-filled multiplayer is WATCHING it) and then bet coins on who you think will win.  Which is quite literally like betting on a dice roll considering that you know absolutely nothing about the players in the match outside of their character.  Unless three guys inexplicably choose Jigglypuff, you'll have no idea who might be the favorite to win.  That's right, there are no stats in this game.  It doesn't count wins, kills, damage dealt, Final Smashes used, or anything.  There are no leaderboard rankings, skill levels, or even a point system.  So, it's a boring lagfest, and there isn't even a reason to keep playing.  Nintendo online in a nutshell.  

7/10

Resident Evil 3

The 3 stands for how many hours it takes to beat the game.

I'm going back to the PlayStation to pick on another fan-favorite.  Resident Evil 3, following the gripping atmosphere and epic scope of Resident Evil 2, fails to do its predecessor justice in any way.  Outside of running like hell from Tyrant every now and then, there wasn't even anything that stood out about this game.

So actually, the reason Resident Evil 3 is greatly overrated is not because its mechanics are any worse than the previous Resident Evil games, but because it's just a watered down version of them.  You'll beat this turd in around 3-4 hours and then automatically assume that there's another scenario or character for you to play afterwards, and then you'll be horribly disappointed.  Yeah, you can only play as Jill, and unlike Resident Evil 2, there aren't any alternate scenarios.  What the hell?

 Aww... he just wants a hug.

 You get past that, and then you see that there was nothing added to make up for the lack of content.  The mini-scenarios after you win are even crappier than they were in Resident Evil 2, the tank controls aren't any better, and the dialogue might actually be even worse, back to the days of the original Resident Evil.  There are fewer puzzles, fewer bosses, fewer everything.  And the atmosphere has absolutely nothing going for it, a complete step back from Resident Evil 2.  The worst part is that Tyrant is supposed to make this game great by himself, and everybody raves about his chase scenes.  I still have no fucking idea why, because I never really had a problem getting around him and therefore was never even close to being scared.  So take that out, and why the hell was I supposed to buy this game?  Notice how short this "review" is.  I don't have much to say because there isn't much to this game.  

6.5/10

Final Fantasy X-2

The sequel that might ruin your great memories of Final Fantasy X.

 

 As promised, I will follow up on Final Fantasy X with its sequel, X-2.  I know this isn't a "favorite" game for most people, but I do think its critical reception warrants inclusion on my hate list.  I mean, 85% on Metacritic for this load of crap?  Proof that a game can get great scores just based on its title.  There is no real point in buying this game unless you want to see Yuna and Rikku in skimpy outfits.  

The first problem is, quite obviously, with the characters.  Square Enix knew their game was going to suck, so they put the three heroines in gaudy costumes, once again showing the universal belief that women can't succeed without good looks and sexual appeal.  I guess they're kinda right, but it's still annoying because Yuna was such a good character in Final Fantasy X without a revealing getup.  Rikku... do I even have to say anything?  You find out she's had a past intimate relationship with one of the men in the game.  Considering that she's 17 years old, you can safely assume that she was screwing this guy when she was 13 or 14, which is hilarious.  Then we've got Paine, who is a dyke.  Don't know where the hell she came from, but she should've been left out.

 

 The only good part of the game: some girl-on-girl action.

The story sucks.  Its linear progression is incredibly boring, and you pretty much have to play through it twice, doing absolutely everything right, to get the full ending.  Hell, you have to use a walkthroughs just to get the real ending your first time through because there's stuff you've gotta do without any clue at all.  Not to mention the backstory does very little to complement Final Fantasy X and is mostly pulled out of thin air.  A lot of people complain that Tidus comes back at the end and say the "bad" ending in which Tidus stays dead should be the true one.  I say Tidus should've never been seen in the water at the end of Final Fantasy X and that this game should've NEVER EXISTED.  There's your true ending.

 

 Sit down, LOSER.

The battle system is kinda cool, I guess.  It's similar to the old class-based Final Fantasy games, and it leads in to Final Fantasy XIII in a way.  My main issue is that the bosses aren't very tough, and I found Final Fantasy X-2 to be even more of a cakewalk than its predecessor.  The music is mediocre too, there are some good tunes, but the entire soundtrack pales in comparison to Final Fantasy X.  Also got to give a shout-out to this game's atmosphere.  It sucks.  If you remember the awesome lightning place from X, then you'll hate what Square has done to it this time around.  The frickin music doesn't even match!  Why were they so lazy with this game?!

5/10

Overrated: Final Fantasy X

Why is this fucker on the cover? I want Yuna!

 Ok, for the first time, the Gaming Connoisseur is not going to bash a game that sucks.  In fact, I think Final Fantasy X is pretty good.  However, I do believe that it's overrated by both fans and critics.  It's linear, the story is average, and there are a lot of cheesy moments.  But for some reason, it just has that "It" factor that makes it a really entertaining game.  But with the problems I mentioned, and considering that it's one of the highest rated games of the PS2, GameCube, and Xbox era, I do feel the need to add it to my list.  Oh, and this time I'll go ahead and warn you that there will be spoilers.

The first thing I'm going to go back and forth on is the cast of characters.  Tidus (pronounced TEE-dus lmfao) looks and acts like a total pussy.  He's a high-energy guy, which is better than some previous Final Fantasy main characters like emo Cloud and Squall, but in combination with his colorful get-up makes him look like a gay (ok I'm not a homophobe, so the reason this is bad is because he falls in love with a girl, leaving me confused).  He does not deserve to be the main character.  The story is about Yuna's trip as far as I'm concerned, and he's just along for the ride.  Yuna is awesome.  And then everyone else sucks.  Rikku is the high-energy female who never loses her good spirits.  Even when Tidus is disappearing (spoiler alert) she is jumping and waving while everyone else is sad (seriously, wtf).  Wakka is a Hawaiian guy, which is pretty cool, except he's the captain of a merry band of loser blitzball players, like a video game version of the Mets' David Wright.  Then Square Enix needed an emo, so they added Lulu.  Then there's a cat thing, and Auron, who is pretty cool.

 DURRRR.. HURHURHURHURHURHUR!!!!!!!

The story has its good and its bad.  The good is that Tidus is actually not alive lol.  I also like how it's not based on a war with the good guys hopelessly outnumbered.  That's always a plus.  And Yuna's sending in Kilika is one of the most iconic moments in gaming.  The bad: literally every fucking moment with Tidus.  Ahem *clears throat* ... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA...  Btw.. what's up with godawful lip-syncing?

 Wakka's merry band of losers before a match.

 The only other problem is that Final Fantasy X was the beginning of Final Fantasy's turn to linearity.  While the pacing is actually really good, there's virtually nothing for you to do outside of continue walking straight ahead to continue the main quest.  This really sucks considering that Spira actually has an interesting world that would be very fun to explore.  But NO, we can't have exploration in games anymore, because developers think most gamers are too stupid and won't know what the hell to do if they don't lay everything out in a straight line.  While they're totally correct, that doesn't mean it's ok.  This continues until the very end of the game, in which we can be transported to various parts of the world map.  Yay...  

8.5/10 - And you can expect me to follow up with Final Fantasy X-2 in the coming days....