Battlefield 3

Battlefield Bad Company 2.3

The perfect recent game to start my graveyard of everyone’s favorites.  There are a lot of ravenous Battlefield fans who hate to hear that their series could have flaws like Call of Duty.  The funny thing is, Battlefield 3 has many of the same exact problems that Battlefield fans attacked Call of Duty for in the first place.

In fact, Battlefield 3 was hyped as the anti-Call of Duty.  One of its marketing strategies was to ask why you would keep paying money for the same game every year.   Hilariously, not only did DICE turn around and clone Bad Company 2, but decided to shit all over the fans and not even include a decent single player campaign.  Apparently they came to the realization that the vast majority of gamers are retarded and will buy anything that is marketed hard enough.  Seriously though, why should they put so much effort into their games when Activision just barfs out the same game every year to the tune of millions in sales?  And it worked, as many Battlefield fans ate that splatter of diarrhea up between two buns like a sloppy joe.

 How can a moment that looks so epic suck so much?

But a lot of FPS fans nowadays like to argue that it doesn’t matter if a game is a complete clone of another: if it’s good, then it’s good.  Ok, let’s just go with the flawed logic that $60 of your mommy and daddy’s money is worth tossing for a game you already have.  Let's first take a look at this game's single player campaign.  I mean, yeah, Battlefield isn’t exactly known for single player, but why the hell even add it if it’s going to suck this much?  Was it just so they could show off the incredible graphics with a few stunning set pieces during commercials?  Probably.  You get thrown into the middle of a gunfight on a train, with no idea what the hell’s going on.  Then it goes back to some marines who are fighting a bunch of Muslims in Iran, but these Muslims are dangerous because they’ve got Russian nukes, but the Russians aren’t happy about them having the nukes either, so both sides are out to kill the Muslims, but they decide to kill each other too.  There are a lot of boring interrogations of the main character throughout, which make no sense until later in the game, but are utterly retarded even after you finally understand what’s going on.  Oh, and spoiler: Paris gets Hiroshima’d.  Ha.

But the really sad thing is that the campaign is just so damn boring.  At least Bad Company 2’s campaign was decent.  It’s like they didn’t even try this time around.  The best part is at the end, because it predictably starts up where you were at the beginning of the game, and that’s when you know that your torment is nearly over.  The cool “shooting the rocket launcher at the sniper” scene shown in videos and commercials sucked.  Sadly, that was probably still one of the best parts.  The only thing they did right was the QTE involving the rat, which was a clear (and successful lol) attempt at pissing off PETA.  But you can’t even fly a fighter jet in the campaign, what the hell is up with that?  The most you get to do is ride behind the pilot and look around for ten minutes before popping some flares.  Then you finally shoot a couple of missiles.  No preparation for the multiplayer, which means you’ll screw over your teammates by flying your jet into the ocean or outer space while trying to get the hang of it.  You can learn to fly by yourself in Battlefield 2, and that doesn’t even have a true goddamn single player!

 The best moment in the entire game.

But on to the multiplayer, which fortunately won’t waste much more of my time because we’ve all already played it (in Bad Company 2).  The good thing is that Wake Island is still epic.  But the rest of the maps look remarkably similar to those in Bad Company 2.  Everything else is also virtually the same, leading me to quit the multiplayer entirely after only five hours.  Now, I know Battlefield fans will yell, “The multiplayer experiences are completely different, you can…. go prone and fly jets!!!”  Stop for a moment and think of whom you sound like.  Does this sound familiar: “Black Ops is totally different, you can roll and… drive around your little brother’s remote-controlled-car-that-is-actually-a-bomb into people and blow them up!”?  Because it should.  With that under consideration, I am left to wonder why the hell I spent $60 for a multiplayer game I already own. 

5.5/10