Metal Gear Solid: Portable Ops

Key word is "Portable." As in, it can't even compare to Metal Gear on console.

Metal Gear Solid: Portable Ops was hailed as one of the greatest games to hit the PSP system upon its release.  To this day, it's still claimed by many to be the greatest PSP game of all time, at the very least top 5. Irrefutable proof that the PSP is one of the biggest jokes ever.

If a game with broken controls that will take gamers back to the N64 days (when auto-aim and control pad aiming was ok because outside of the PC, we didn't know any better), graphics that constantly display lengthy texture tears, and boring-ass missions that will see you spending hours dragging enemy soldiers back to specific points so you can force them to join your team, is one of the best games on the system, then you know there are some serious problems with it.

You're going to spend many hours capturing bad guys to join your team.

The worst part about this game is definitely the controls, unless you just want to go shooting your way through every mission, in which case the auto-aim might work for you.   But some of the missions are extremely difficult if you go in guns blazing, so you're definitely going to need to learn how to take precision shots.  Which means careful aiming with the crap control pad controls while moving the crap analog nub.  If you're ever in a situation in which you take a shot and then realize you need to take another in a hurry, then God be with you.  Taking multiple precision shots in a row is true hell.

You'd think the guy on the left would just take the hint.

The main criticism aimed at Portable Ops is that it is too short, which is true, but shouldn't even be fucking noticeable in the midst of other actually serious flaws.  The really astounding thing (which makes me lose faith in video game critics nowadays) is that the complaint is specifically directed at the game's short length in hours, and not how half of that time is spent carrying enemy soldiers across the map to join your team.  And then how your team goes to the missions hiding in cardboard boxes the entire fucking time until you need them instead of actually being worth something in-game.  

Did I mention how beautiful this game was?  Yeah, it looks great, resulting in PSP fanboys claiming it as far superior to anything the DS could ever dream of making.  While partially correct because the DS has its fair share of shit, these fanboys don't take into account the constant texture tears and lag that results due to these great visuals, nor do they take into account that the game sucks regardless, unless you're one of those people who derives pleasure from just looking at a game, in which case you're probably an idiot anyway.  The last boss is especially ridiculous because it manages to play at an unsteady 5 fps.  But at least it marks the end of a horribly boring game that doesn't deserve Metal Gear in its title any more than golfers deserve to be called athletes.

5/10